Meandering where we used to walk I faulter. Feeling the imprints of our warmth recycling certain nights... you couldn't tell me I would ever be here without you.
Laying naked in cool vulnerability laughing, speaking so effortlessly. Comfortability, a safe space- going, going, gone, dead. I couldn't dream a life without you and you know that shit. You couldn't be without me, you didn't want to. You refused for 5 years to simply BE without me. Looking at the new guy saying "I know he can't make you as happy as I do". I told you to let me go, you said "why? No." Crying, blocked, flowers sent to my job, apologies and deep sobs, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't your job to fix what we had broken. Mistrust all out in the open, we had to let it go. Flaunting on sexuality, substance turned into lust and we lost it. You tell me I have to let you go and I don't ask why or say no because I know this was the end. I felt your heart when I last saw you, so cold, so misled. You let another soul touch you and she dismantled what made you a beautiful man. So many questions in my mind. What type of woman is that? Why would you let anyone break you that way? I taught you to love yourself, why didn't you? Why weren't you with someone who wanted to build you and build with you? Love of my life, you are not okay but you will not speak to me, you are ashamed because you know that I know you are not the same.. in the worst way. You tell me to let go and I don't say a word. I walk away with my heart in hands because as much as it hurts, I am a revolutionary woman and I know when to walk away from someone who refuses to love themself enough to do better. I wanted better for you, I was that "better for you". Now I just wish you love. Based on the condition I last saw you, that's what you need. Not a person, but the feeling.
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