What a feeling to have felt love so close.
Started with anticipating your texts to random calls when you wanted to talk about the moon and how cute you thought I was. More play dates I found myself laughing more, glowing more and yet so much more afraid. What would happen if you left? I didn’t want this joy to lose gravity and float away. I couldn’t wait to do future things like know you well enough to finish your sentences and buy your favorite pick-me-up snacks when you had a long day. I sat on your bed with your baby niece between my legs playing hand games and you were awfully quiet
I looked over and uttered my favorite word “what?” and you replied I can’t wait to see you play with our daughter like that. I melted into a million pieces and felt a strong blush wash over me. You began to play with her and my smile grew wider it was like foreshadowing our little mixed family. Time grew on and I couldn’t wait to feel your fingertips on my thighs as we held hands as you drive. It wasn’t even about the sex, I loved you with all my mind soul and body. I thought about you all the time how peaceful it was to listen to your mind wander as you laid on my chest, us eating the unhealthiest knacks, telling me your plans for life. I envisioned your life with mine our house and our artsy kids and how we’d drink before our protective-of-their-mother sons games and cry when we watched our water lily daughter dance, dope little family, they would be so fly.
Suddenly I watched our love float and wave goodbye and I never understood why. It was the saddest one I’ve felt so far and I’d never revisit us because i know what it was and appreciate it all so much.
Thank you for helping me experience love, up close, even if it wasn’t love to you.
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